Sorcery & Tomfoolery
by MyPenIsInky
Summary: Conor's a pretty average sixteen year old. Then his TV goes haywire. He gets sucked into the world of Gaia! Is he going to survive? Does he like Midgar's scenery? What's his favourite colour? Come find out! Yeah, a self insert, but not a typical one!
1. Chapter 1

Alright, so this is my first story in a long time. Attempting a self insert.

Depending on feedback, possibly a lot more to come. Without feedback? Probably a lot more to come.

Either way I hope you fuckin' love it, read, review, and stay sharp my butterknives.

"Alright, see you later then!" The boy shouted back up the stairs as he walked outside. He closed the door behind him and decided to start jogging home - he only lived around ten minutes away. He'd just been round at David's playing FIFA, but it was almost ten and he wanted to get home, he had school in the morning. When he was almost halfway home, it began to rain.

Just what I need, he thought, even God is pissing on me today. He picked up his pace wanting to get home quicker, splashing through puddles, disturbing their peace. The rain dripped down his face, rolling off his eyelashes and joining its companions upon the damp floor. As he turned a corner, he ran through a pile of wet leaves, almost slipping, barely regaining his balance.

"That's about the only thing that's gone my way today…" The boy muttered as he continued running. He finally reached his house, drenched in a mixture of salty rainwater and even saltier sweat. He pulled the keys to the house out of his pocket, slipping them into the keyhole and twisting. He opened the door to an empty house, closing and locking it behind him.

Slipping off his wet shoes, and since he was alone, completely undressing himself, he tossed his clothes into the wash basket at the bottom of the stairs. Shower, he thought. By Odin's fuzzy black beard I need a shower.

He felt the warm, soothing water soak his body, taking away his aches and pains. The boy's name was Conor. Conor was sixteen years of age. He had short black hair, almost shaven, and hazel eyes. He stood at around five foot ten, and was of a medium build. He wasn't your typical nerd- more of a closet one. On the surface, he loved messing around, telling jokes, watching and playing sport… But at home, he'd rather read a good book, or play some Xbox. He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, water dripping onto the floor as he did so.

He walked into his room drying himself off with a towel and checked the time. 10:15. That gave him some time to play some video games before bed. He quickly slipped on some boxers and decided on what he was going to play. As he browsed through his games, one particular title caught his eye.

Final Fantasy 7. He hadn't played it in almost a year. He plugged out his Xbox, replacing it with his old play station, and inserted the first disk. He sat in his computer chair when all of the sudden, he heard his ring tone. The rain outside began to get heavier, pattering away on Conor's window.

"At this rate we'll probably end up with a fuckin' flood or something…" He thought aloud.

He answered his phone, and whilst selecting new game with one hand, raised it to his ear.

A voice spoke faintly.

"Are you ready?" Conor heard a loud thunderclap, and jumped, startled. His TV screen went black. He raised the phone to his ear once again.

"Great," he groaned, "My TV just broke." The caller was just David, most likely trying to get him to come on Call of Duty.

"Well there's no point in me keeping you then! Good luck!" David laughed as he hung up.

Conor stood up and began inspecting the television. As he touched the screen, he felt a shock, and recoiled almost instantly

I should turn the plugs off and on, Conor thought. Easy one, works every time. He leant over to the plug socket and turned the plugs off. Before he could turn them back on, the screen turned as white as snow. He stared, confused.

"What kind of sorcery is this..?" He joked aloud. Before he could answer his own rhetorical question, he was hit with a sudden wave of pain. It felt like all of his nerves were on fire - and then, darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright so this has been done straight after chapter 1...**

**Without further adieu...**

**Chapter 2**

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><p>Conor rubbed his eyes slowly as he woke up, waiting for them to adjust to his surroundings. He was in a white room. It was rather large - larger than his bedroom, at least. There was no strong smells but he caught the faint smell of leaves and what he could only describe as fresh air. The room was completely silent, almost eerie in a way. He looked around slowly, almost expecting to find Hannibal Lecter watching him. He clambered onto his feet and stretched his arms out wide, releasing a yawn he never realised he'd held captive. Taking one more quick glance around the room, Conor realised that other than his own presence, the room was empty. He spotted a sturdy looking door a few yards away, and cautiously walked towards it, as though he was waiting to be ambushed. When he reached the door unscathed, he realised his shoelace was undone. He bent down to tie it and when he stood again, the door was gone.<p>

He heard a feminine giggle behind him. He spun around but the room was still empty.

"Show yourself you coward!" He received no response. "Show yourself or I'll shove my foot so far up your fucking arse that…"

Realising he had no way to finish the insult, he huffed.

"Why so angry?" A soft voice echoed around the room. Conor shook his head.

"Stop playing now! I've got school in the morning, I'll let you off if you take me home!" He shouted once more, desperately.

Once again, he heard a giggle. Suddenly, there was a flash of bright light and a woman stood before him. She had shoulder length blue hair, with soft features. She stood a couple inches shorter than him and was wearing a white t-shirt with black shorts and socks.

Conor looked her up and down. "You know what, it's fine, I'll stay here!" He smirked.

The woman tutted and stepped slightly closer. "You obviously have no clue what's going on do you?"

Conor stared as though she had suddenly grown two heads. "Do I fuck! I've woke up thinking I'm in some paedophile paradise…"

She interrupted him before he could continue to ramble on. "Less of the foul mouth." She scowled slightly, but it was quickly hidden with a smile. "My name's Elise. And you are Conor."

"Yeah, that's right, I'd ask how you knew but I honestly don't care. Take me home and we're fine."

Elise offered her hand out. Conor hesitantly shook it.

"Sorry to tell you but, you aren't going home mister!" She tapped me on the nose with her finger. Ignoring it, Conor frowned, but before he could speak, she decided to answer me. "You've got a job to do for us!"

He frowned. "I'm not doing a job. I feel like going home, maybe watch an episode of Dexter, then go sleep. So if you'd just show me the exit I'll be on my way out."

Elise laughed once more, brushing her silky hair back behind her ear as she did so. "And what if I keep you here? You even notice you weren't wearing shoes before you came here?"

She was right. Looking down, Conor realised he was still wearing his boxers, only he also had a pair of converse on. Not his ideal outfit. "So you're saying I can't do anything?"

Elise nodded. "All you can do is this job. I realise you're familiar with AVALANCHE, yes?"

"The fictional group or the natural disaster?" He replied. If she was keeping him here, he'd be an absolute prick to her.

"The group of course. From your favourite game." He opened his mouth to speak but she placed a finger on his lips and he found himself unable to. "Would you like a seat?" She waved her arm and two leather chairs appeared. He sat down and she clicked her fingers, as a Dr. Pepper appeared in his hand.

"Your fav, right?" She winked casually. Still unable to speak, he sipped the drink slowly.

"So, where was I?" She pondered, green eyes glistening. She snapped her fingers.

"Alright, so the plan is, you're gonna join AVALANCHE!" She grinned. "Now, since you can't speak I'll answer any questions I reckon you'll have. No you do not have a choice, no I will not tell you why you're doing this, and yes this means you will be entering the world of your favourite video game."

He found himself able to speak once more. "For such a pretty lady you're a dick you know. Can't you just tell me why you're doing this?"He had given up arguing - she was clearly some sort of higher being. She shook her head and he sighed. "Well, maybe I won't do it then."

She laughed. "Honestly, you think you have a choice? I'll just dump you between two dragons and see which tears you limb from limb first. Pardon my French but you're fucked without me."

She was right. He decided to listen. "Go ahead, tell me what's gonna happen."

A massive grin split her face once more. She was like a reject cheshire cat or something, he thought. "So, you'll have a level and stats down there, just like the game - here, take this watch…"

She handed him a watch which he strapped onto his wrist.

She began to explain everything to him. The watch shown him his level, which was currently 1, and his stats, which were rather pathetic. She explained that, in the world of Gaia, the items were magic and really had the effect that they had in the game. The watch she gave him had his HP and MP displayed, and she told him that they were available in most shops around Gaia.

She explained that when your HP ran out, if you were struck with a mortal wound, you would die. This explained Aeris' situation to Conor ahead of time. He never really did get that.

"Can I change things that happen in the game's course?" He inquired.

"Of course, do what you want." She smiled, knowing what he had planned.

She went on to explain that upon killing enemies he would gain XP. Enough XP meant he would level up. She then told him the plan…

"Originally, I was gonna drop you in near Kalm a month before the game begins so you could train to catch up with the others. I don't think that's gonna happen though. No offense, but you just aren't strong enough - the monsters would slaughter you. But I have it all worked out."

He stayed quiet, listening to her explain.

"You're getting dropped in one month early, in the SOLDIER training program. You'll join AVALANCHE afterwards. You'll have to make your way to the slums and meet Tifa in Seventh Heaven. If you time it right, you should run into the group a day before the second reactor. Your training in SOLDIER will help you a lot. For the first while, you'll be trained with other cadets, most likely physical conditioning, tactics, and learning how to use materia. After that you'll be sent out to kill monsters with other cadets for a while, then shortly before you become a SOLDIER, it will be time to leave."

"I like how you work everything out, Elise dear!" Conor smirked. "Is that all?"

She shook her head, hair fluttering as she did so. "When you wake up, you'll have mako in you. Look at your stats. They'll double. Everything about you will be enhanced… Now, that's all, I just need you to think of a weapon you'd like to use real quick and I can send you off!"  
>He pondered for a few minutes. "It's a toughie, cause I wanna be prepared for everything. If you wouldn't mind, could I ask for two weapons?"<br>"Knock yourself out." A sharp response. Probably meant it literally with the amount of swearing he'd exhibited today. "I'd like a pistol, like Vincent's, but alongside it I'd like a sword I could use in one hand. Perhaps around two feet? I don't want to have to get in too close."

"Fine." She smiled. "I'll even throw in a free pair of daggers - just in case."

Conor was ready to leave but he remembered one last thing - "Am I going down there dressed like this?" He looked down to see that his converse were gone but surely enough he was still in his boxers. Elise laughed softly.  
>"You'll have a SOLDIER cadet uniform of course! Now if that is all, it's about time you leave." All was set. She guided him to the door which had reappeared in the corner of the room.<p>

"Good luck." She spoke softly. He left the room and entered Gaia.

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><p>Sorry for no Final Fantasy yet! Just trying to cover everything, R&amp;R please let me know whatcha think.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Alright, I've done Chapter 3 already. As I'm writing this, I have no reviews but I am having hits to my story. Please, if you're taking the time to read, submit a review, feedback would be appreciated, bad or good. This was originally gonna be half of a chapter but I'm gonna split it into two - because I've finished the first half, and I think it'd be a bit long if I made it one chapter. So here it is,

Chapter 3

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><p>Conor yawned and spun his legs off the side of the bed, feet finding cold floor. He felt like he'd been asleep for ages, but Elise had just sent him to Gaia. Looking round, he noticed he was on the bottom bunk of a bunkbed, and around eleven other boys his age were getting out of bed. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stood up and stretched, noticing that just as in the white room, he was only wearing boxers.<p>

Where could my uniform be…? He thought. Observing the other boys around him, he saw one pull a duffel bag out from under their bed.

"Hurry up Conor, you're gonna get in trouble!" The boy who had been sleeping on the top bunk said, as he dropped to the floor. He noticed that the accent was quite strange, and hard to place. Not hard to believe - it was a whole new world after all.

He looked underneath his bed and surely enough, he found two duffel bags. One had his name on it, whilst the other said 'Dylan.'

Conor handed Dylan his bag silently. He didn't feel like talking, he was still finding it hard to believe what was going on. Unzipping the duffel bag, he pulled a uniform out. It was much like Cloud's attire in Advent Children, although it had the soldier emblem emblazoned upon the back, with block capitals underneath… SOLDIER CADET. The colour was a military green, with a holster for his gun, and sheaths for both daggers and his short sword.

He looked deeper in the bag and found the weapons Elise had promised him. He emptied the bag onto his bed and began to get changed. Once he was finished, he pulled on the black military boots provided. They were lighter than they looked, but when he felt them, they were sturdy and flexible. He picked up his weapons from his bed, and, after placing them in the appropriate holsters, he took a quick glance around the room.

All of the other cadets were dressed and ready, stood next to their bunk beds. Conor followed suit, not knowing what to expect. "Hey, uh… Dylan?" Conor spoke hesitantly. The blonde haired boy next to him elbowed him in the ribs.

"No talking, you'll get us all in trouble." Dylan whispered. Just as he spoke, the door to their barracks slammed open, and in walked a man dressed in a SOLDIER 3rd Class uniform.

"Alright you little fucking maggots, follow me down to the cafeteria! And be quick - stay in position though." He barked orders as every cadet excluding Conor gave a salute. Conor looked left and right, not realising, and tried to give his best salute.

The man noticed this and walked over to him. Everyone watched tensely as the man observed Conor silently. No one dared move or say a word.

"What's your name then?" The man had a gruff voice.

"C-Conor." He stammered nervously.

"Conor what?" The man spoke, barely holding back his temper. Conor hesitated. All of the sudden, the man raised his left hand and delivered a vicious slap to Conor. He stumbled backwards, holding his face as it turned red.

"Now don't make me repeat myself." The man whispered in Conor's ear.

"Conor sir." He spoke calmly. The man clearly had a short fuse and he didn't want to agitate him further - that slap hurt!

The man marched out of the room barking orders and everyone followed. Dylan flashed a sympathetic look Conor's way but he just smiled back.

As they walked, Conor noticed that they were in the Shinra HQ, but he wasn't sure what floor. They walked for a matter of minutes, when they reached the cafeteria. Waiting for them were six SOLDIERs, all second class. The slave driver - sorry, man who had led them, made them line up in front of the SOLDIERs. Then he explained what was going to happen. As more and more time passed, it was further cemented in Conor's mind that this man was an absolute prick. He looked about forty years old - Conor swore he'd get him back someday.

"Alright you useless sacks of flesh! You're all gonna get paired up and given a trainer. We'll pair you up based on your fighting styles, and give you the trainer that is most compatible with you. After that, you'll be taken to a hidden location, where you'll receive training for three weeks, then sent on a mission. Based on your performance, you may be sent on a final mission to see if you qualify to be a SOLDIER 3rd Class. During the entire time, you are only allowed to make contact with your trainer and partner. Don't get too excited though," the man smirked. "I doubt even half of you will make it." It was official. Conor hated the man.

One by one, SOLDIERs stepped forward, calling out names until it was just Conor and three others left. Two more names were called out, which left one SOLDIER. Conor stared at his trainer. He towered at around six foot three, and was of a muscled build. To put it blunt, he was built like a brick shithouse. Conor walked over to the man nervously. He looked like he'd devour Conor for breakfast. However the man smiled, and gave a little wave.

"So which one is Adrian and which is Conor?" The man asked. Conor looked to his left and realised his new training partner, Adrian, was leaning on a wall nonchalantly, arms folded across his chest and eyes closed. He had black hair, tied back in a ponytail, with a single rogue piece of hair drifting loose. He was around the same height and build as Conor.

"I'm Conor."

"That settles that, and he's Adrian then! Alright so I'm gonna train you two, my name - though not important - is Cecil." Cecil seemed a lot friendlier than he looked. "Just follow me to the trucks and we'll be off." At that, the man walked off slowly. As Adrian passed him, Conor offered out a hand.

"Hey, I'm Conor." He spoke friendlily. Adrian ignored his hand and gave a slight nod.

"Adrian." He spoke coldly before walking off.

"Arsehole," Conor muttered, before following.

The trip in the truck was mostly silent. For a while, Conor and Cecil spoke about meaningless things…

"So, what's your favourite colours…?" Conor asked, as the conversation was dying.

"Green for me." Cecil answered.

Adrian looked out the window to his left and muttered, "Black."

"Super arsehole…" Conor muttered under his breath.

"What'd you say?" Adrian glanced over.

"Purple, I said my favourite colour is purple!" Conor smiled sweetly as Cecil gave a small chuckle.

The truck ride was quite boring to say the least. Conor learned that Cecil was a pretty cool guy, he liked reading - surprising, due to his appearance and career.

Appearances are deceiving. Except for Adrian, he's still an arsehole. Conor thought to himself.

They arrived in a location Conor didn't recognise from any of the games. It looked like a massive field, with trees scattered here and there. Tents were set up in the distance, set quite far apart, and there was a large field marked out in the center. They had finally arrived.

"We're group three," Spoke Cecil, "So our tent should be this way." Adrian nodded, and they both followed Cecil whilst he studied a map.

Arriving at their accommodation, Conor noticed that the tents were a lot bigger than they looked. Inside, they were spacious and all three of them could have their own space. There were stacks of books on tactics in war, theory, and how to use materia. Probably some more too, but Conor would look at them later.

"What about food?" Conor asked, puzzled.

"We hunt." Cecil spoke, as Adrian smirked. Smug bastard, Conor thought.

"When do we start?" He asked.

"Now," replied Cecil, "Follow me to the forest."

They had been hunting for around half an hour. Cecil had caught and killed three rabbits on his own, using his bare hands, whereas Adrian and Conor struggled to catch one. Conor saw a rabbit running away in the distance and drew his gun. Taking a deep breath, he focused down the sight, and fired. The bullet grazed the rabbit, doing just enough damage to scare it for a second, and as it halted, Adrian dived on it.

"A bit better." Cecil grinned. Adrian shrugged his shoulders, then snapped the rabbits neck. "We have a lot of work to do with you two though. We'll start tomorrow. For now, we eat." Cecil led them back to camp, where the rabbits were skinned and cleaned. Cecil was cooking them on the fire, which left Adrian and Conor alone.

"So…" Conor spoke, trying to spark conversation. Adrian merely grunted. "Stop making this hard. We're gonna spend a month together." Conor sighed, as they waited in silence for their food.

A week had passed and the boys had considerably improved their techniques. They could now hit a moving rabbit nine times out of ten, and Cecil had taught them how to prepare and cook their prey. Adrian had opened up slightly, but only to small bouts of conversation, none of it very interesting…

"Want some more rabbit?" Conor asked Adrian, offering him meat.

"Yeah, sure. I'm still sore from earlier." The boy replied.

In the mornings, Cecil forced the boys to do a routine of 100 laps around the field, a thousand pressups, and two thousand situps. For a normal human being, that would be impossible, but Conor found that his mako enhancements made him barely capable of completing the exercise. Cecil had given the two boys tips on their swordplay, and taught them to use the sword in tandem with their guns. However, Adrian had no daggers, so at times, whilst Adrian rested, Cecil taught Conor how to use his two daggers.

"You're using them as a last resort, in case you lose your other weapons, so you won't need to be as proficient with them as your other weapons. I'll teach you a few things."

A quick glance at Conor's watch told him that as a result of the training, he had grown to level three, and his own common sense told him that as a result of the training, his own pain threshold had grown considerably. Cecil was a nice guy, but he knew how to push people.

"Alright, I've switched your guns to rubber bullets and given you wooden swords. You two are going to spar, so I can see how far you've come." The two boys grinned excitedly and shook hands, before getting ready.

"Begin!" Cecil boomed.

In a flash, Adrian had jumped over to the boy, slashing downwards with his sword as he did so. Conor raised his own sword with both hands to block it, and kicked his friend in the stomach, forcing him back. Adrian pulled his gun out and fired two rubber bullets at Conor as he moved forward. Conor attempted to dodge, but one bullet hit him in the shoulder, forcing him to drop his sword. He cursed under his breath, but had to react as Adrian was slashing at him again.

Conor ducked under the horizontal slash, and coming back up, delivered a left hook which forced Adrian to stumble backwards. Adrian waited whilst Conor retrieved his sword, and this time, Conor advanced. He swung his sword, which Adrian parried, before returning a savage strike, slashing his wooden sword, hitting Conor hard in the ribs. The fight continued in this manner for a while, both boys, flying around, building a sweat. Conor panted heavily as his opponent did the same.

Cecil watched from the sidelines smiling, proud of his students. Adrian ran at Conor once more, firing rubber bullets from the gun which Conor dodged. Adrian swung the sword towards Conor, but as soon as he reacted, he realised it was a faint. He felt a hand going into his dagger holster as Adrian tackled him to the ground. He had forgotten to take his daggers off. Adrian was on top of Conor, with a dagger pointed at his throat, breathing heavily.

"Do you yield?" Adrian smirked.

"Yeah," Conor laughed, "Good fight."

"Well done the both of you! You've came a long way! Smart thinking Adrian, Conor, you need to stay on top of things like that. An enemy should never be able to use your weapons against you." Cecil lectured. The boys sat facing each other, exhausted, as Adrian handed Conor his knife back.

Cecil left the boys alone as he went to get himself a drink from his canteen. It had been filled at a river in the forest.

"What made you want to join SOLDIER?" It was Adrian who spoke. Conor searched his mind for an answer.

"To be as great as Sephiroth." He lied. He couldn't exactly tell Adrian the real reason.

"Doesn't everyone want that?" Adrian smirked at Conor who returned the smile. "I just want to get strong enough… to protect people."

Adrian looked to the floor now. Conor sensed there was something on his mind. "That's always a good reason to want to be strong. Penny for your thoughts?"

Adrian sighed, and lay back, staring at the clouds. "When I was younger… Five years ago…"

His eyes slightly teared up and he raised his hand to wipe them. "My family were killed by bandits. I had to watch as they torched down our campsite… We travelled the world you see. They decided to let me live but I can only think if maybe I had been stronger…" He trailed off. Conor repositioned himself next to Adrian and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. They sat there, silent.

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><p>Bit of male bonding there for you! Review please, let me know what you think, should be a chapter or two till we see Cloud &amp; Co!<p>

Cya for now


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